Friday, 2:00 AM.
Shawna manages to wake me up. We’d gone to bed about two and a half hours before and planned to sleep until 3 o’clock since James was going to pick us up at 4. “Mandy,” she called down to me. “I have a song stuck in my head.”
“You remember ‘Rescue Rangers?’ Not the theme song, but that song those rats who were obsessed with soda sang…?”
“Yeah. ‘Come along… You belong… Feel the fizz of Koo-Koo-Kola!’ It’s fucking driving me insane!”
I giggled for a second, and then I had an epiphany. “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”
“Dude… Koo-Koo-Kola…? It’s the KKK!”
So Shawna and I wound up laughing hysterically for a good ten minutes, then decided we may as well get up since we weren’t going back to sleep. After eating and showering we double-checked all of our bags to make sure we had everything we’d need. Total luggage: One giant suitcase, one book-bag, two pairs of boots, a box of cheap coke and one cardboard cross. At ten to four we went out to the lobby and waited. James picked us up and we drove to Amanda’s to collect the other guy riding in the car with us.
‘The other guy’ turned out to be John: a leather-jacket-wearing metal fan with mirror sunglasses and a mop of curly hair. Now, Shawna and I have a tendency to give nicknames to people and John became “The Cool Guy.”
So we started the trip to Washington State! The border guards threatened to anally penetrate us but ultimately let us into the country after we offered them crack cocaine. I started pointing out the window and shouting “Look, an American BARN! And American COWS!” I also shared my fear that every time I enter the USA that I’ll turn down the wrong road and encounter a bunch of Deliverance-esque inbred people with no teeth who will hold me captive and possibly eat me for dinner. (All my American readers are probably offended as hell now…)
James put on a reading of ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’ and I fell asleep around the time the attorney wants the radio thrown into the bathtub at the climax of ‘White Rabbit.’ I woke up around the time they ditch Lucy. Then we put on some Ohgr and were nearly hit by some maniac changing lanes; I banged my head against the window pretty hard when we swerved.
Finally we reached the SeaTac Hilton!
Went to the lobby, paid for the room and got four cardkeys. The hotel room was reserved under Theo’s name and he had been nice enough to donate it to Shawna and I. James needed a place to stay and since he offered to drive us and knows Tara, Theo’s girlfriend, we said he could crash with us. Somehow Amanda managed to get herself invited to share the room too, which I was wary about but I decided to adopt the motto “If it’s okay with Theo, it’s okay with me!” And then Amanda decided to bring four other people with her. James called and told me this and my only reply was “Hey, if it’s okay with Theo it’s okay with me.” I decided they couldn’t be THAT bad… I was wrong. John was one of these four people, although I’m still unclear as to how he knows Amanda since it seems like he can’t stand her either. At any rate, John wasn’t planning to stay with us but he was so nice in the car and he offered to pitch in for the room so we were like, “Sure dude!” He turned out to be the only good one though.
Sweet Jesus Fucking Christ. I am NEVER letting Amanda or Amanda-related people near me ever again. First of all, Amanda and her pals had not intended on PAYING for the privilege of using the room. I had to explain to Amanda why this was unfair to those of us forking out the cash. Now, the three people who came with Amanda were Nick, Rob and Lana. Nick became known as ‘the Porn Guy’ because of a story I’ll relate later; Rob was ‘that other guy’; and Lana was ‘The Incredible Psycho-Bitch.’
Nick and Rob actually weren’t that bad. I mean, okay, they were kinda slobs but they stayed the fuck out of my way and seemed to realize that they were only staying with us because I had a moment of weakness. Lana on the other hand was just…. AGH. She was rude, stupid and completely bitchy to everyone. Amanda was Amanda… that is to say she was inconsiderate and annoying as fuck. Anyhow, we gave Amanda one of the keycards for them to share since we figured they’d all be sticking together.
Waiting in the pre-registration line. Ran into Nick, who asked if he could stow his suitcase in our room. We like Nick, so we said yes. We were standing in front of these really funny girls who were talking about how they should make ‘Mosh Mosh Revolution.’ One of them had a stuffed lobster.
Got inside, which was nice cos it was fucking freezing. Saw Kenny D and yelled at him for not being in a cheongsam. The funny girls advanced the opinion that there should be a sitcom called “Everyone Loves Kenny.”
Got badge and goodie-bag. Yay.
Went back to the room to get changed into our costumes. It was about ten o’clock by this point I think. Shawna and I showered and then proceeded to get ready. Shawna was distracted by the Incredible Psycho-Bitch who needed help spraying her hair pink. Shawna made her do it outside because that shit gets everywhere and we didn’t want to trash the room as it was in Theo’s name. The Incredible Psycho-Bitch could not grasp this concept.
Finally Shawna and I were ready to go! We missed opening ceremonies but honestly didn’t give a rat’s ass. So we wandered.
People actually realized I was cosplaying Kyo, which thrilled me to no end. I got to pose fugly-like a lot! We took a bunch of photos too. Vash and Dark Vash obviously have that whole ‘pose for the camera!’ thing down pat. Shawna thought Vash was really fucking hot. Personally I find he bears an uncanny resemblance to this guy I went to high school with who, last time I checked, lived in his parents basement listening to Iron Maiden and snorting coke.
At some point we decided to eat. John sat with us and we had a conversation about chicks with dicks, I believe. I had to take my fake lip-ring out to eat my fries.
One thing about the SeaTac Hilton… it’s a fucking NICE hotel, but they have the most hideous plaid drapes in the main lobby I have ever seen. I think they bought them cheap from a hunting lodge that was going out of business.
Uhhh… I forget what else happened that day. Oh yeah, we went to the dealer’s room where Shawna bought a Trigun art book and I was convinced by this really attractive dealer to buy a Dir en grey DVD despite the fact I don’t own a DVD player. It was only $15 bucks tho, so… I also picked up a copy of ‘Kai.’ Go me! We debated buying Wolfwood and Vash action figures so we could make them do unwholesome things to each other but decided not to.
And now… N’s Rant About Porn (or lack thereof)
Okay. Prior to the Con, I could be found exclaiming that I would not buy anything from the dealer’s room that wasn’t porn or somehow related to porn. For example. Deg is considered porn-related because it fucks with your mind. The action figures could be used in dirty ways, and if I’d bought these really neat pens they were hawking I could use them to DRAW porn. Anyhow. Two of the tables DID have adult doujinshi… but it was all hetero stuff. There was ONE yaoi doujin, and it was for Final Fantasy 7, which I honestly couldn’t care less about. There were maybe three yaoi manga too, but they weren’t worth buying because I can get the same titles cheaper up here. Last year I managed to score some Ozaki doujin and this year I was hoping for that again or something equally yummy. Specifically I woulda killed for some Wolfowwod X Vash, but NOOOOOOOOOOO. My perversion was not catered too, which means I spent way less money than I was going to.
So if you read this, porn dealers, I suggest you not neglect your female patrons! Give us our friggin yaoi!! You coulda made a fortune off of me alone.
Speaking of porn…
One of the guys we were staying with came back to the hotel room with three BOX-SETS of hentai anime, as well as some hentai doujinshi. I mean, I understand that it was on sale but DUDE! That’s a LOT of porn! Hence the Canadian Nick became known as ‘Porn Guy.’ The other Nick, better known as Osiris N to some, commented it would be a “spackle-fest” when Porn-Guy got home.
Nick dropped by and we got to meet his girlfriend Serena. He got me to help him with his makeup cos he was doing Kyo as well. (The Kyo from 304 goushitsu, hakushi no sakura.)
Karaoke! Huge fucking line-up! Screw it!
We wandered some more, then came BACK to karaoke and snuck into the back. Taters, Theo’s adorable girlfriend, danced a lot. It was so cute! The karaoke was overall not that impressive, but there were a few amusing ones and Nick was allowed to do Deg’s ‘Cage’ which we of course were pleased as punch about.
I drank water. It was free.
We took off at some point and peeked into the Masquerade Ball where some frightening woman scared us into leaving. I think she was hitting on us, or something. At any rate, she was scary and overbearing.
There was a crisis that evening. Seems the people scheduled to show up at the Masquerade Ball to teach Latin dancing never showed, and these people were supposed to provide the music. Now, Theo and Ahna were in charge of karaoke and Theo had his laptop with him, natch. His laptop had a bunch of salsa music on it because Theo does salsa-dancing. Sooooooooo the masquerade people stole the laptop, which caused some fucky-ness when it came to Open Mic time.
Now, at some point Theo vanished. Ahna had vanished before this too, so Taters manned the karaoke-thingy. Anyhow, this one snotty bitch insulted poor Taters when her CD started skipping. Nevermind she’d been up there for like, ten zillion hours already. I figured it was God telling her to shut up and sit down.
It took me a while, but I kept my promise… I preformed MY version of ‘Soul of Fire.’ Yes, the version printed on the Japanese Flannel. I danced, too. Badly. It was horribly nerve-wracking but apparently funny to watch. If anyone out there ever finds video footage of me doing this, let me know.
Other karaoke highlights: Theo singing Melty Love, Nick thrashin’ out, Ahna singing while Theo molested Nick and Shawna being cute by staying to watch the Vash she was stalking even though she was very tired.
I’d like to pause here to state that Shawna and I are NOT The Canadian Lesbians. A girl behind us at karaoke saw us and said to Kenny “Oh, you finally found those Canadian lesbian friends of yours!” I promptly screeched at Kenny, who looked like he thought I was going to dismember him. Apparently, other people thought we were a couple as well. O_o Shawna and I are SISTERS, people! SISTERS! We just happen to pretend to lick each other sometimes.
Bitch-Girl tries to steal my keycard because… I dunno, she’s stupid. I refuse to let her take it and go back to sleep, hoping vaguely she gets hit by a Buick.
Wake up, crawl over Shawna and use the shower. Get dressed, wake Shawna up, wait… go eat in a stairwell. Buy new camera and go see the kendo demonstration. At this point I am wearing my skanky grey hoodie and blinking blearily at everything. Run into Kenny, who proceeds to give me my first laugh of the day by calling some random fellow “Man-Boy!”
We dye my hair black again and I cheer when it doesn’t fall out. Shawna and I dress in our “Vashette and She-Wolfwood” costumes and run away like scared children. We eat lunch and I introduce Kenny to the joys of Popeye Candy Sticks, which I am severely addicted to. Kenny marvels at the French written on the candy box while I marvel that the USA has BEER in the 7-11s. No wonder there’s so many drunk drivers… It’s like, you go to the store for some milk and see a six-pack sitting right next to the dairy cooler.
- Beer in the 7-11
- Giant napkins
- Stupid money that all looks exactly the same. Man, I hope I never go drinking down there. You go to tip the bartender a one and hand over a friggin twenty.
- Stubborn denial that the metric system exists
- Calling ‘sipping sauce’ ‘dressing.’
- No plum sauce for chicken strips
- No Popeye Candy Sticks
- Insanely old legal age
Oh, there’s a story for that one. Shawna and I made the mistake of sitting in the bar area while waiting for food. Anyhow, I guess we looked too young to breathe alcohol fumes so this waitress asks if we have ID. I’m about to say give her a haughty “YES” when I remember the legal age down there is 21. So we retreated quietly.
Saturday Afternoon sometime. Fuck, I dunno.
It’s all melting together… ahhh! This really nice blonde guy with glasses who told us his name that I now forget complimented us on our costumes, saying it was a cool twist. He liked the scaled-down cross-backpack, I remember. Anyhow, he was super nice and I feel bad for probably scaring the piss out of him with my introduction…
Shawna: I’m Shawna.
N: And I’m Mandy. *shakes hand* And despite what you may have heard, we are NOT the Canadian Lesbians.
So, Guy, if you ever read this… I didn’t mean to scare you. Really.
The only other thing I really remember about Saturday is watching Theo nearly get conked in the head by this guy waiting in line for Para Para Paradise. This LARGE individual kept hopping up to practice I guess, but he wouldn’t move away from the chairs the waiting people were waiting in. Consequently his hand nearly met Theo’s head several times. If Theo were taller he woulda been smacked in the face. If I were Theo, which I am not, I probably would have gotten sick enough of either the near-smacking or the underarm odor being wafted at me that I would have yelled at the guy.
Daaaaaaaaaaaance, baby. I was so happy… I got to be GOFFIC again! And my nipples didn’t pop out of my corset. I have this fear that they will every time I wear that damn thing.
Mad props (word to your MOM) to Ahna and Theo… you guys kick ass as DJs.
I am a horrible snob. Never forget this. I do not dance to meet people; I dance to dance. Never presume to dance with a lady unless she invites you. An invite is either verbal or a direct look with a smile and nod or “come here” gesture. An invite is NOT a glance in your general direction. I rarely notice other people when I dance but if you’re sneakily trying to make it look like I’m getting down with you due to your mad sex skillz, back the fuck off. My sister will notice and inform me, and the two of us can gleefully rip your face off if we’re provoked.
And while on the topic… stay the hell away from my sister!
Now that I’ve shown myself to be the bitch I really am… ^_^
It was fun! Theo got hit on and I saw Vash the Stampede do the Robot.
Drank more free water.
I noticed I was starving. We sat in a corner booth and munched on poor quality food. Nick had the idea to go around the table and say what we most enjoyed about the Con. Shawna said her penis and Lars said his nipples. Was too tired to be witty and so said the best part was seeing everyone from last year. John left a twoonie as a tip for the waitress. We were hoping she’d think it was a malformed quarter.
Wake up. Shower. Wake other people up s we can our shit together and check out of the room. Should be simple, yes?
Nope. Various people had vanished, so we had to searching to remind them that we had to be out of the room by noon. I stalked around swearing a lot, as I usually do when irate.
Shawna was amazingly cranky and sore. Kenny did a monkey-dance at my insistence and that made her smile a little. We then found the line for closing ceremonies and were none too thrilled to discover it wound through three hallways and ended outside. So we cheated and snuck into line with Theo, Taters and Aleeza. Aleeza was in her fish costume again (so cute!) and people kept posing with their heads in her fish-mouth.
There was a taiko demonstration and I wish I could say I enjoyed it immensely but the truth is I kept falling asleep. I’d be sitting there, watching these people pound these huge motherfucking drums and I’d decide to shut my eyes for a second and the next thing I knew I’d jerk awake again, wondering if I had drooled on myself.
After closing ceremonies we said goodbye to all our friends and got lots of hugs and stuff. We then piled into James’s car and were off… stopping only to marvel that ‘Park’ backwards spells ‘Krap.’
Overall, it wa s a lot of waiting in line-ups and some truly funky odors… but a total blast. Hope to go again next year!
“Here in A-MER-I-CA…” (he kept saying this to make us feel like dumb Canucks. ^_^)
“That mustard bottle has a FLAT-TOP!” (totally interrupted conversation with this observation)
“I’m a goddess.”
“Will you beat me up?” (asking this giant-headed black cat thing. It declined.)
“All that power in my CHUBBY LITTLE HANDS!”
“Guys, I got TITS!” (his impression of Toshiya.)
“Follow the finger! WHEE!” (On Kyo’s bizarre finger fascination in videos)
“It’s refreshing to hear a girl brag about the size of her penis.”
“Can’t have enough she-males.”
Photos (which is what you REALLY wanted to see anyway)
Klaha, Mana and Kyo. (I'm fugly!)
Theo, Shawna, me and Taters - taken with Theo's digitsal camera.
Vashette, Vash, Dark Vash and She-Wolfwood Jesus we look short.
The freaky Rumi/Nima hallucination from 'Perfect Blue.' - I love that movie.
Non Costume Pics